How to Know If a Man Is Truly for You: A Guide for the Spiritually and Emotionally Awake Woman
By Eric Paddy Boso
In a world full of filtered realities, charming liars, and emotional distractions, the question many women still quietly carry in their hearts is this:?How will I know if this man is truly for me??
What is the criteria of choosing a good man? Is it based on:
Friends, Family culture and approval
Religious alignment or
Just give in
It is a question not just of romance, but of purpose, peace, and destiny. A question that echoes in the heart of every woman who has loved, lost, and learned. This article is not just a checklist. It is a discernment mirror?for the woman ready to choose love that aligns, not just excites.
1. Spiritual Alignment: Does His Spirit Recognize Yours?
The first and deepest sign that a man is for you is spiritual. Not just shared church attendance or mutual belief in God, but spiritual harmony?a divine resonance.
Does he awaken your soul, or distract it?
Does his presence pull you toward your purpose?or away from it?
Can he lead in prayer, or does he belittle your spiritual depth?
A man who is truly for you will cover you spiritually?not confuse you. He will understand that love is a covenant, not just a connection. He will not see you as a trophy but as a divine assignment and partner.
?You will know them by their fruits.? ? Matthew 7:16
2. Emotional Maturity: Does He Know How to Handle a Whole Woman?
You are not fragments. You are layered?joy and sorrow, softness and strength. A man who is truly for you doesn?t fear your depth; he values it. He does not punish your honesty with silence or distance.
He listens, not just hears.
He validates, not just tolerates.
He takes responsibility, not just control.
Emotional maturity is not about perfection. It?s about growth. A man who cannot manage his own anger, trauma, or pride will eventually damage the very love he claims to want.
?A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.? ? Proverbs 15:1
3. Psychological Stability: Is He Whole Within Himself?
Many women fall in love with potential, but suffer under the weight of unfinished healing. A man who is for you is not perfect, but he is present and self-aware. He doesn?t weaponize silence, guilt, or games.
He?s not confused about who he is. He doesn?t fear your strength. He understands that real love is not power play?it?s partnership.
He?s secure, not possessive.
Transparent, not secretive.
Calm, not chaotic.
?Peace is not in the absence of storms, but in the presence of clarity.?
4. Purpose and Vision: Does He Know Where He?s Going?
A man who is truly for you is not idle. He may not have all the riches of the world, but he has direction, diligence, and dreams that don?t contradict yours.
Ask yourself:
Can he articulate his vision?
Does he build or does he borrow?
Does his future include your growth?or your silence?
A man without purpose is a man easily distracted. He may love you today and lose you tomorrow to his own instability. But a man on assignment sees your union as mission, not manipulation.
?Write the vision, and make it plain.? ? Habakkuk 2:2
5. Capacity to Love You as You Are: Not to Fix You, But To Hold You
True love is not about trying to change someone to match your expectations. A man who is truly for you sees you, hears you, honors you?without demanding you shrink or perform.
He understands your past without judgment.He celebrates your ambition, not competes with it.He makes room for your emotions without labeling you ?too much.?
?Real love meets you where you are?but doesn?t leave you where it found you.?
You don?t have to beg to be chosen. You don?t have to dim your light to be accepted. If he is for you, your growth excites him?not intimidates him.
Red Flags You Should Never Justify
Sometimes, the clearest answer is in what we tolerate out of fear or fantasy. Here are signs the man is not for you:
He gaslights your concerns.
He lies easily?especially about small things.
He makes you question your worth.
He isolates you from wise voices.
He blames you for his behavior.
God is not the author of confusion. If peace is missing, the answer is present.
?Where there is no vision, the people perish.? ? Proverbs 29:18
The man who is for you is not perfect?but he is willing, present, and divinely aligned with your calling. He doesn?t just want you?he respects the responsibility of loving you.
When you meet him, your spirit will exhale. Your purpose will expand, not shrink. Your soul will feel safe, not silenced.
Because real love is not found in desperate chasing, but in divine recognition
A Closing Prayer:
?Lord, may I not be swayed by charm, or misled by fear. Open my spirit to see who is for me and who is simply near me. Give me the courage to wait, to walk away, or to welcome the one who is sent?not by flesh, but by Your will. Amen.?